Sometimes I let my self forget that I'm not the same as other people. I get all wrapped up in the moment and don't realize that are differences make us almost incompatible. If anyone ever said that I was stuck up I would have to help them think clearly. My parents have worked their entire lives, they have no retirement, they will probably have to work util their last day on this earth. I've been poor my whole life, and will probably have to be poor for a long time before that changes. People piss me the fuck off who have cars and their parents pay for all their shit and theydont appreciate it. I get so fucking tired of trudging everywhere, walking through the snow, waiting for the bus, I would be forever grateful to have transportation that gave me some freedom. The consequences I face are not the same as the ones other people face. Therefore, I can't hold myself at the same standard as these people, or I will be devastated, everytime. I know I'm kindof playing the victim here, but tis still frustrating to see people just float thru life without having to care about any kind of real life shit. If they dont pay their rent or their car payment, its okay, because its probably in someone else name anyway, or their parents will pay for it. I grew up over half of my life in a rough way. Don't get me wrong, my parents provided for me, food and shelter and love. But I have had to live in a car, not knowing where im going, sleeping, no knowing where my next meal is coming from, and not a dime to my name. I ran the streets shooting dope for a few years, and although I never prostituted my body, i was constantly around that crowd, and they were my friends. I'm happy to not feel like I have to live that way anymore, but I'll never forget how. I was so miserable and desperate. I didn't think it was possible for me to live any other way. Today I know there is. I have to face life, and deal with real shit everyday. I dont want to just stay high all the time and be numb to all my problems. I have to buck up and be myself, and not worry about all these petty bitches wrapped up in shallow drama. Trying to be someone I'm not will make me very sick, and probably lead me to destructive lifestyle choices. I have to be free from myself, and I can't expect too much from myself, or from other people. I especially can't expect them to understand. And I have to accpet this. I AM different, I am unique, I am beautiful. I will accept myself today.
