have we met? (III) hopefully the last one ill write on the subject

Well. To wrap up the last story/post, which I dont know how far I got bc I didnt read the previous post. Im going to make it brief bc there are other things that I would like to post about.  
I wrote him several letters attempting to maintain a line of communication between us once I was incarcerated. I did hear from him via letters 3 times, in about 2 months. Meanwhile I probably called him everyday, unsuccessfully. i think  I talked to him twice on the phone   And then I got so loopy and desperate that I called his mom, she told me he went to Lexington's HopeCenter to detox. I had tried to call his number repeatedly for a week or so and got no answer so I said fuck it and called Lisa to see if he was alive. That was always a thought. He was dead. He overdosed. He killed himself.

 None of that was true, just him getting strung out more than ever. 

In the letters he would tell me how much he missed me. He said, " I miss us laying in bed together" 
Well long story short, I went to jail as a result of boosting clothes from department stores and returning them to platos closet or once upon a child for cash. Small amounts of cash. Very small, petty, hardly enough to buy dope and cigarettes and put gas in his bitchass car, money. I go to jail and make bond on a recieving stolen property charge, then Campbell picks me up for a probation violation warrant. While I'm in Campbell I get cited for a robbery. Then I get released on parole after campbell gives me the 5 years I had on the shelf. But I dont actually get "released" I just went to Kenton County this time and get indicted on a robbery 2nd degree and a persistent felony offender. Im facing 20 years. I was afraid, just like another time in my life. I am full of fear, and unfortunately my family have fallen on hard times. I cannot rely on my parents, my sister, or my friends for support third time around. I stayed incarcerated for 25 months that time. From November of 2012 to December of 2014. Its hard to believe its been almost three years already. And you'd think that was enough. Most people would learn at the point where they were locked up for twenty five months. well im not most people. lol. sometimes thats a good thing, but in this instance, it was a bad thing. A very very bad thing.
I had to go back and get some more. I went back for another year, and then a another 10 days most recently. I can honestly say I'm finished. 
I can say that I have matured into an adult. I've learned a lot about the system, the world, society, people, community, and most importantly, I've been able to get to know myself a lot better. But I'm still learning more about all these things, even myself each day that passes and each day that I'm clean. 
So I saw him the other day at the library and he cowered when he made eye contact with me, immediately looked down. 30 seconds later, he pulled his hood up and dipped out.
Not a single word, and I've seen him half a dozen times in the past 5-6 months. I loved him, more than he loved me, i know that, but he did love me. he came out to his mother. told his mom he was gay. he had never been in a relationship with a man.
They say its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. That shit hurt, and maybe thats why Ihave stayed away from it, because I've been such a fearful creature.